A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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