Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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