hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
