false alarm. still invincible.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
