I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
smell my finger.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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