if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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