the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
