I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
