Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
