Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
