i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
