did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
