Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Vodka?
Forever.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
