I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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