he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
