I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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