I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
