im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
