he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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