You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
