tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
