haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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