Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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