so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
