You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
ttyl tear gas
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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