Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
