living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
