I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
