god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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