made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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