My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
