A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
