well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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