she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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