I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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