I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
