we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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