I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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