so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
