It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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