fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
