Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize