Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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