I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
