remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
