Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
