The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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