i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize