This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
