i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
