TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
