saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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