i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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