Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
