My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
