remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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