TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
