Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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