i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
