you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
