oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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