That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
