I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
