obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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