No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
