Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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